Confidence

It is done! (Revelations 21:6)

I am happy to report that I have finally completed my thesis and will be graduating on May 15, 2010. If it were not for God's grace this would not be so. There is not a moment that I will not praise Him for allowing this to be. But even more important is my lesson of confidence, which I am happy to share with my son.

For years I understood that I lacked confidence. Yes, I understood that I was smart because I applied myself to the task at hand, but I was not naturally gifted. I had to study and memorize and study some more to understand concepts. What typically takes one person an hour to understand takes me half a day. I have to perfect everything that comes before me. And still, I lacked confidence. Until now.

I honestly believe I was meant to endure many trials during my last year in graduate school to help me become a better mother. How could I teach my son to be confident in himself if I lacked this characteristic myself?

I allowed certain people to get very close to hindering my graduation due to personal issues within themselves. For a LONG time I thought the problem was me, not them. Were I already confident in myself and my abilities this would have never happened. Instead, I allowed doubt and uncertainty to set in and almost discouraged me to the point I was planning to drop out. But GOD! Isn't God amazing?! Romans 8:28 states: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

(Who can stand in the way of God's will and purpose, not even me!)

How dare I doubt and ignore God's purpose and will? Who am I to do such a thing? I constantly thank God for showing me that no matter what I do, He is still God! I now know the devil is truly out to kill, steal, and destroy me! But God! God is there to build me up. He has already clothed me in His armor. I have nothing to fear. I am CONFIDENT in Him. Here is where my confidence lies. Isn't it amazing?! I am still in awe and praising God right now for being my God.

So, to my son, I pray you will learn that your confidence comes from your personal relationship with God. In Him, nothing can stand against you.

OK, so I am having a VERY difficult time focusing right now at work. Yes, I admit that I have not gotten much work done today. I have been so overly swamped with work, trying to finish the last leg of my thesis, and home life that my eyes can barely stay open. So I am trying to take a break to refocus. Maybe this will help because nothing else is. Besides, I have been negligent in my blog-writing duties lately.

As an update- I am finishing up the last chapter to my thesis TONIGHT!!! It should have been finished already but I was sick FOR A WEEK!!! Really not good with a new baby, full time job, and a thesis. But my doctor said my sickness was a result of all of my stress. I hope she's right because I am still not 100%.

Jerbear is absolutely wonderful. I am so in love with him it hurts my heart sometimes. I always tell him that there is only one other being that loves him more than me and that is God. Then I follow up with saying that I can almost imagine (because I will never fully know) how God feels about all of us. Isn't God wonderful?! Of course his Daddy loves him as much as me, but I can only speak of my love for him. It's really overwhelming sometimes. If you have kept up with my previous blogs you will understand why this is scary for me.

Bear (for short) will be SIX MONTHS (already!!!) this Wednesday. He definitely weighs more than 20 pounds. Loves to talk, yell (I like to say he is singing... he sings like his Mommy), play in his jungle (play pen) and eat. Oh my goodness does he eat. He eats solids twice a day now and drinks 6 oz. bottles. When he is eating his cereal with either fruit or veggies he follows that up with a bottle. Yes, we are taking donations for formula. LOL! He's breaking the bank for sure.

He is such a happy, easy going baby. He is sleeping throughout the night and falls asleep (generally) on his own. We, mostly me since I am the one that puts him to bed every night, did not have to go through the whole cry it out method. He knows our routine (eat food [usually cereal with some veggies]; get a bath; get dressed for bed while listening to gospel music and saying our ABC's, spelling his name, and saying the Lord's Prayer; read a book; and while drinking/eating [I never know how to describe this] his bedtime bottle say our night time prayers of thanks and solicitations to God). Again, such an easy going baby.

Early on in my blog I wrote one titled "Wishes for my son". I have been observing so much that grieves my heart lately and has me doing a lot of soul searching and thinking. So, I believe I will be writing a lot more of those. I hope to collect them and present them to him one day when he is much older. So, the next few blogs will be about wishes to my son..... Enjoy!

PS- This is a picture of Jeremy sleeping the other night. This is his new favorite position. Yes, his little bum-bum is sticking up in the air and he is snoring.... LOUDLY. LOL. Is he not totally adorable?!

The Adventures of Eating

Okay, I am wrapping up work on my thesis for the night and should be going to bed but had to share my adventures with Jerbear!
We have now entered the eating phase!!! Wow, was I not prepared. At his doctor's appointment last week he suggested we begin "introducing" Jeremy to solid foods. Not so much for him to get full, but to acquaint him with the spoon, and the concept of eating (I guess instead of drinking).
Now before this time I noticed my son beginning to stare at my food or his father's food as we ate. Little did I know he was recognizing that we were eating food. Color me stupid but the doctor confirmed this.
Ok, quick side note, we tested this theory (because you know me.... I don't believe until I can test it for myself or "see" it with my own eyes). I forget what I was eating but I decided to put it up to his mouth to see if he would open it. By Jolly George (hey, leave my sayings alone... you know I never get them right so I make them up), he opened his mouth!!! I could have picked my mouth up off the ground because I always thought this happened much later (and when I say much I mean at 1 years of age) in their intsy tintsy little lives. I see now that I am wrong, and never to taunt him with food I don't intend to give him ever again. Yes, you guessed it.... he became upset with us for doing that. NEVER again. Bad mommy reprimand. SN: It was still very funny to watch.
OK so on to our adventures of eating. You know how I refer to my son as a bear. Well the name fits! This little boy weighing in at 16 pounds (yes, I know exactly). He is in the 75th percentile- for those of you who are clueless as to what this means, it means only 25% of infants his age are bigger than he is. By Jolly George, no wonder my arm hurts so much.
OK, back on topic again....
So my Bear (and there is a literal context for this now :) ), is a terror when he eats. I mean terror in a good way. He LOVES his food. You would never guess this child had any problems at birth or spent an entire week in the hospital because of his low blood sugar and eating habits. See this takes me back to my premise that he was just afraid to go home with us that first week. He knew we needed so extra training :-D! Thanks Bear!
Ok, so our nights go like this....
10 pm- Mommy begins to make bottles and cleans the kitchen. He sits in his boppy entertaining himself and me
10:15 pm Mommy warms bottle for bed and prepares food
10:20 pm Mommy gets everything set up for bed and for the next day -- run his bath water, set out his clothes for the next day, turns back crib covers, turns on his gospel music and set up his classical music (this is what he sleeps to)
Note..... because he has watched Mommy prepare his bottles and food he is getting antsy... okay more like annoyed, but I have to watch him or he will really get annoyed
10:30 pm begin feeding Bear. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......... let's see he literally grabs at my hands for the spoon and tries to put the spoon in his mouth himself. I am never fast enough for him it seems. Is he really 4 months old or did I sleep through a few months of his life?! Though he appears clean before he begins to eat, he is totally clothed in his food by the end. But trust me, a great deal did end up in his stomach.
10:40 pm He has finished eating.... shouldn't it take longer than this? LOL When begin his bath
10:50pm He is dressed and eating his next bottle
11 pm He is in his crib falling asleep
11-1:15 pm... while working on my thesis.... I am rubbing my hands he has lovingly scratched while grabbing for his food.

So to end this .....
Gerber Rice Cereal $3
Baby Spoons $4
Bowl $2.50
Watching Jeremy enjoy his food.... absolutely PRICELESS!!!!!!