19 Weeks and Kicking!

Can you believe it, we are 19 weeks today! I never thought that I would ever be a biological mother, and here we are, 19 weeks into the possibility that in a little more than a few months this little one may be calling me Mommy.


Since finding out I was pregnant in February, I have experienced all of the emotions one can have, except maybe the exuberance many mothers speak of. This is of course overshadowed by my many many fears and flaws. But talking to my sister I realized most of this is because of my own relationship with my biological mother. Strange how someone I only knew for 10 years can have such an impact on my life. Most of my fears come in me not wanting to be like her. My wonderful sister already told me that I have more than proven that I am not, and that this should be no exception.


People find it strange when they find out how much I fear being a mother because I absolutely LOVE children. They are my passion. Most of my joy comes from me knowing that I can possibly help a child emotionally, spiritually, academically and so on.


So at 19 weeks I have realized that this may not be so bad, me being a biological mother. I am already starting to fall in love with him. Oh, by the way, we found out last week that it is indeed a BOY!!!! I am so excited because I'd have no idea what to do with a girl.


Each morning we wake up and take Meeko out and feed her. Then we lazily prepare breakfast (usually a chocolate milkshake/juice and bagel w/ cream cheese). Hey I am still losing weight so I need the calories and this meets my nutritional requirements and makes my taste buds happy!!! Then we walk upstairs and talk to AuntMa (that's NeNe) and Daddy as we get our clothes out for the day. Then we say the Lord's Prayer as we get the shower just right. At night we read from the Chronicles of Narnia and we try to read Scripture. Mostly we end up reading stuff for school instead.

Now he is moving, jostling and kicking all around. He was moving so much the Ultrasound Tech could barely take the photos she needed. But no worries, I will have them posted soon! Me, well let's just say I really don't look pregnant at 4 1/2 months. But if you know me, you know that I am showing... so don't say "you're not even showing"! That will TICK me off because my belly is no longer flat! Sorry, just my pet peeve at this time.


Well, next week, we hope to be able to say that we are done with our coursework at NCCU and are ready for the rest of this pregnancy. Hopefully by then I will have had more fish as well. Oh my goodness, I am craving fried fish, like Chapel Hillbillies know how to fry, and these spinach and cheese pastries. I know, bear with us!

Oh just to update from my last post:

Still having killer headaches (my Blood pressure is normal and Dr. said this is normal as well, I just have to grin and bear), strange (but I hear usual) pains in belly -- I guess it's growing, can't fit most of my slacks/jeans comfortably and still refuse to buy maternity clothes (thanks NeNe), and fear I will be embarrassing myself at church now with my many bathroom breaks... ummm can we say sit near the back in an aisle seat. See this is what happens when you grow up in a Baptist church with Mommie, you're too afraid to leave during service. And I am hungry ALL the time (as you can see above) so I will have an issue with that as well.

Until next week, keep on kickin' on!

We will continue to keep you posted on our journey.

We are 17 weeks old

I am such a terrible blogger, journal keeper and the like. I have missed a few weeks of keeping you all up to date about my journey into pending motherhood. Well, as a brief update, we are now 17 weeks old and steadily growing.

Unfortunately, I still do not feel pregnant, though I am beginning to look it. It's amazing how each morning I look in the mirror amazed at the extra girth around my midsection.

To share some of the highs and lows about my pregnancy, unfortunately I have been having some serious headaches. I am sure a great deal of this is due to my extremely high stress level but it is probably also due to the fact that I am pregnant. Ironically in the past my stress lead to anxiety attacks, which thank God I have not had. Now, I have headaches, everyday just about. I fear they may be affecting the baby.

My appetite has picked up a great deal. I guarantee by 12pm I have to have lunch or else!!! I am not very diligent in eating something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I am eating most of my food, trying to get in all of my nutrients. That's hard by the way! Food is still not appealing to me as it does other pregnant women.

I barely have any clothes to wear, and I am still refusing to buy maternity clothes. No one is really explaining how that whole thing works so I don't want to waste my money. You know how cheap, excuse me, frugal I can be.

I am trying to bond with the baby but I still feel as if I am talking to my belly. I feel foolish. Pray for me y'all. I am making a great effort to do everything right, just about. But my hormones are messing me up. I am pretty much angry all the time, that may be attributed to it being the end of the semester and stressors at work that are beyond my control. But Daddy and AuntMa Ne-Ne are catching the brunt of it all.

I am having the weirdest dreams in the world. So I dreamt of my Mommie (like I was saving her one night) and at the end of the dream there was the most beautiful little baby girl ever. I woke up thinking, darn if that is a sign I need to try again. Yes, it is true, I want a boy because I don't know how to raise a girl.

I am not sleeping well, having crazy dreams, and I am crying like nobody's business. Which ticks me off because I am a private crier.

Well, I have a few more days to wait before I see our baby again. Next week we find out the gender and make sure he or she is okay. It is so frightening when you have no indication if your baby is okay. I keep thinking, well I'm getting bigger so he or she must be doing okay in there, and I am always hungry so they must be okay.
Well we are off to class to learn about the ways of institutional ethnography... don't ask because I am clueless about the subject.

Talk to you next week.

We are taking wagers (is that how you say it?) A boy or a girl?