Am I crazy?!

So here's the deal, when people say that pregnant women are really hormonal, BELIEVE THEM! It's true..... but to a certain extent. And never, I mean NEVER tell them they are acting that way because they are pregnant. This will incite a one-woman riot. Seriously.

Now to the issue at hand. I woke up in a bad mood this morning, that is, when I was finally able to wake up. I am convinced my darling parasite is enjoying every minute inside his pouch, laughing away at Mommy's constant trips to the bathroom when she should be sleeping. And I hear it is only going to get worse, YIKES! See this is what men get to avoid. Then I stumble (literally) back in bed each time --- I refuse to put on my glasses or turn on a light, because it will affect my ability to fall back asleep-- and fall into an idiotic dream induced sleep state. These are not the peachy pleasant dreams. NO! They are crazy!!! I mean can I get a decent night's sleep? Between the bathroom trips and these crazy dreams I am sleep deprived.

So I overslept, big time this morning. And even fell back asleep. Mind you I have three alarms set (at 15 and 30 minute increments) along with a wake up call from my hubby (we'll get to him in a minute) and my NeNe (who would drag me out of bed if she could). To no avail I overslept given all of that.

To my darling husband... he comes home, takes out the recycling, opens up the house downstairs, and puts out Meeko's food. He comes upstairs, kisses me and gets on the computer. Hmmmm.. problem I should be dressed by now and Meeko should have been let out and finished eating by now. Well besides everything I am thinking, we start talking about breakfast. Which is a point of contention for me because I still hate breakfast. I am literally forcing myself to eat every morning. So, I have overslept, I am running really late, and I still need to eat. When my DH asks me about breakfast I snap. He asks purely for himself, what there is to eat. I'm thinking you have a pregnant wife, think about her and the baby.

So I said Jeremy wakes up each morning STARVING. His response, I should go feed him. Boy, wrong day to say those words. I snap even more this time. I respond: This is your baby too, why should I be the only one responsible for feeding him? Just because I have to carry him does not give me the sole responsibility to do all the work. This whole women being pregnant thing was not a choice I had to make. You need to help feed your baby too. His response: Okaaayyyy, you really are in a bad mood. Then he said, you make no sense.

So my question to you.... Am I really crazy?! I think NOT, it makes perfect sense. And please remember I am still in a bad mood so whatever you do, make no reference to hormones.

23 weeks and counting....

There is not much to report this week. Yesterday as I was watching a Pediasure commercial I became extremely excited! I don't know, something about me handing Jeremy a Pediasure (I can see me making sure he eats healthy and gets all of his nutrients). I wonder if it was the hormones making me feel this excitement, or watching all of the last season's episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Those kids are so CUTE!!!! See they are older so I can say that.

Besides this new found excitement, there is not much else to say. I did begin drinking those Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks. Not bad, just taste like a chocolate vitamin. So I have one every morning with breakfast. I wish I had known about these before now, Jeremy would be loving me for sure!

Jeremy had a field day yesterday evening after dinner (it was the baked potato and BBQ chicken that excited him, I'm sure-- he agrees because he just started kicking me again). He kicked and kicked and kicked and his AuntMa (Ne-Ne) was there to finally feel him kick.

I am showing more and more each day and if you can convince my sister to upload those pics you will be able to see for yourself. We'll Jeremy and I are off to eat and begin on another paper.

Just a quick note: I have been told that now is the time to ready my first born (my shih tzu Meeko) for the baby. So I have been told to play baby sounds and noises. Sitting here now, writing this has been interesting. I played a baby crying on Youtube and boy did she hate it. She followed her daddy to our bedroom and hid under the bed. I guess I have some work to do!!!! Any advice?

Until next week :)

Moments of Excitement!

So this post will short! (I Promise)
A couple of blogs ago I mentioned not getting excited. But I finally felt the first signs of excitement yesterday as I was driving in to work. AMAZING!
The fear is still there, but I am definitely excited.

I thought what it would be like for Jeremy to look at me and giggle and kick his feet and do the same for his father. I know, seems simple and it may never happen but the thought that it might excited me.

Hopefully I will have more of these feelings as I go through the process. I know there is nothing like being a parent so we shall see.

Question, if you are living in Durham and have a pediatrician for your child, who do you recommend? We are taking suggestions.

Thanks and Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Today was an almost great doctor's appointment.
Let's get the bad stuff out of the way first. So I only gained a total of 3.7 pounds. No kidding, I have been eating like crazy lately and all for naught, because certainly I am not at the 10 pound requirement as I should be. Oh well, as my friend Carolyn said, at least I am not losing weight like I was in the beginning.

Now for the good stuff! Dr. Choi was great (we rotate Drs. so there is a new one each visit because we don’t know who will deliver the baby)! She answered all of my unasked questions. I went in with a list of questions and she answered EVERY one of them before I could even ask. That means she took the time to read my file before coming to see me. She gave great advice and prepared me on what I should expect. For example, she said I should try drinking Instant Carnation Breakfast in the morning because it has more calories, protein, and vitamins than my chocolate milkshakes (I drink those in the morning with my breakfast).

Jeremy was very active when we listened to him this morning. He will definitely be on someone's football field if he father has any say in it. My lethargic feeling is actually normal she says. Not every body is the same and Jeremy is like a parasite (her words, not mine-- but I do agree with the terminology -- a good parasite) that takes all of my nutrients, energy, and so on. So this is normal.

Dr. Choi also helped me realize why I hate for people to be in my space. She said at this stage of the game, my tolerance level is low and I will be very irritable. My poor husband and NeNe can certainly attest to that. When NeNe and I went shopping this weekend I realized I became so upset that we had to leave the store. I was upset for a number of reasons, but I realized I was about to "go off" on these customers because they had walked down the aisle I was browsing through. They got in my space, and I got upset. Dr. Choi said this was normal because pregnant women want to "protect" their space. I was this way before pregnancy, it's even worse now.

One thing I have noticed is that Jeremy has completely messed up my hair, almost I should say. Where my hair was thinning out in the front, it has now grown back. But the good news ends there. My texture has changed completely. I have always had the thick coarse hair, but boy oh boy, it’s worse than ever before. And never in my life have I had trouble with my hair growing, seriously NeNe (Shanika) says it’s shorter than when I actually cut it a few months back. How can that be?

I just have one gripe before I close out today. Maternity clothes! Shopping for maternity clothes is starting to really upset me. I mean really upset me. This is what NeNe and I were doing this weekend, with no luck! So far I have tried Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, Target, Old Navy, and Kohl’s. Can we say pointless. These stores could care less about pregnant women. Ross, Old Navy (only one of their stores) and Kohl’s had all of ONE RACK to purchase from. I am looking for a dress for church (considering my suits are a little to snug for a place of worship, or PERIOD!). I found NONE! Marshall’s and TJ Maxx had NOTHING for pregnant women. No lies, check it out yourself.

I know, you are probably saying why not just shop at a maternity store. Because like wedding stores I think they are rip offs that hike up prices for an outfit I will only wear for a short period of time. I realized, having a baby is like getting married, it costs a ton of money and it shouldn’t! If I were not so rational I would not have a problem spending money, but I am. And I think my money would be better spent on preparing for my baby than on some clothes. I think these bargain retail stores need to get it together and respect us pregnant women out here. We need clothes too.

I can’t believe I just sat here and ate a whole bowl of Chicken Oodles of Noodles. I HATE those things, but I had a craving so I had to eat it. I had a Whopper earlier from Burger King. Yes, another craving. I had no idea they were so huge. I have not eaten at BK since college, probably before because I hate fast food burgers (except CookOuts). Well at least you know I am eating. Yes, I ate some Kix cereal for breakfast, a huge bowl I might add. And my snacks include Whole Wheat Wheat Thins, Peanut Butter Crackers, an apple, a banana, and some Vanilla cookies. My blood pressure is perfect so no worries about the MSG in the oodles and noodles and burger.

Well until next week, Jeremy will continue to amaze me with his summersaults and back flips. He’s the athlete already. Hopefully he will figure out night from day. LOL!

Keep praying and we shall keep growing!
Jeremy & mom (22 weeks and counting).

Truly Misunderstood

I realized, this pregnancy thing comes with a whole new set of rules. I think many people feel that when a woman becomes pregnant she automatically feels this euphoric feeling, especially if her life is what many would envy. But I disagree.

This past weekend I was asked by an acquaintance if I was excited about the pregnancy yet. As I have done to date, I was nothing short of honest. I said "no, not really." What purpose would it serve to say yes, when I knew it to be a lie. The looks I received from those around me and the quiet that ensued thereafter made me second guess my decision, but only for a split second. I make no apologies for feeling the way I do.

I wish people would stop being so judgmental and misunderstanding. If we live in a world where we walk in Christian love, judgment (which is oftentimes in error) would decrease greatly. Of course I talked to my husband about it later and he thought people would think our marriage was in trouble. That thought never even crossed my mind, because it's so far from the truth and how I would think. I just think women assume every pregnant woman should be excited about the possibility of bringing another baby into this world.

Here's the deal if you are wondering why I am not excited. Fear. Plain and simple. I am a pessimist at heart who had a rough childhood that plagues me today. I do everything by making logical decisions and second-guessing myself. My worst fear is that my baby will not survive. My next worse fear is that he will survive and will have an illness I may have caused because I am not a health conscious person. And then I think, if all of that does not happen, then what if I suck as a mother.

See, ever since I went off to college, every decision I made was calculated with the ultimate goal of survival and success. I want to be perfect at all I do. (Yea, I know this will never happen, but at least I refuse to settle for anything). I like to be in control of my situation at all times. I am a thinker, I sometimes lack of emotion because it clogs my head. And here, God is making me responsible for a precious life. Yes, my husband is one in a million. He could be a poster guy for perfect husbands (sins his over the top cleanliness). But I never think about my support network because I am independent person who likes to maintain control. Plain and simple, I fear the unknown. This pregnancy, my baby.... it's all foreign and unknown to me.

I know, what about my Christian faith? I never professed to be perfect, just that I want to be perfect in all I do. This is one of my major downfalls in life. Trusting God to the fullest extent. But I take comfort in knowing that Christ will never leave me nor forsake me and I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

I love Jeremy as much as a mother can love her child. I want the absolute best for him despite my fears and uncertainties. My lack of excitement does not deduce my love or concern for him. I just hope, that if you are a person who projects your thoughts and feelings about a certain subject or event onto others, you will stop and think about what you are really doing. (I am talking to myself as much as anyone out there that can relate to doing this) Let's lose the judgement and allow others to freely express themselves.

I am so happy to have an outlet to share these honest thoughts and feelings with others. I feel by doing so, more people will open up about their own experiences. Be it pregnancy or otherwise. One thing I know for certain, my son has changed my life in so many ways already. Despite what may happen, I know he is sent from God.

I will be back tomorrow with an update from our latest doctor's appointment. Let's hope I have gained some weight back :)!

21 and counting

Well, we have made it to 21 weeks today. What a blessing.
This past week has been pretty normal. I think my energy is starting to come back now that classes are over, though I still find myself asleep at 9 pm, during my prime time shows! Good thing I have a DVR.
Jeremy has been busy getting acquainted with every inch of my belly, EVERY INCH! He gets really excited when Mommy lays down to rest after work. I mean who wouldn't want to get active as others are trying to rest, right?! I can just picture how little rest I will get when he gets here!
Let's see, as far as Mommy, no headaches to report (thank GOD). I am not sure about my weight (I don't own a scale and refuse to buy one). The good thing is that I am hungry all the time now. When I wake up, when I am about to fall asleep for the night, when it's lunch time and dinner time. He pretty much wants food all the time now. I can eat meat now, for the most part. My cravings are still few and far between. We want barbecued (grilled) chicken for dinner. That's all we can come up with for now.
All in all we are doing exceptionally well, we hope and pray. We have our next appointment next week so we shall see about the weight issue and how well Jerbear is doing in there.
Richard and I both wonder how comfortable he is in there, just seems super weird.
Listen, I am trying to find classes on how to take care of a baby. See, I know NOTHING about babies, they scare me, but you already knew that. I realized, I still have no clue as to how to change a diaper. Really, I don't. And burping and all that stuff. Hmmmm.... I am getting that overwhelmed feeling again. Let me focus on the fact that I still have 4 months to ponder all of this. My hubby is much more confident than I am, though I know he is just as clueless. He's just wanted this since FOREVER! Just pray that I don't have my son's diaper draped over his arms and head (LOL)! On a bad day, that just might happen. Just kidding, Shanika and Richard will be there, calm down.

Till next week, happy growing. Keep us in your prayers.

Love,
Jeremy's mom (hmmm I can get use to saying that now... kinda like when I would say Richard's wife). It has a ring to it.

Feeling every bit 5 months!

Can you believe it?! We are 5 months pre-old today (LOL)!

Jeremy is well and kicking! He is definitely making his presence known, almost every night when I am winding down to sleep!!!!


What I cannot figure out is why pregnant women only tell you the best parts or the worst parts of pregnancy. They leave out the rest. Like for the past two days I have felt as if a board (yes a board) is poking me in my stomach and whenever I bend over it hurts. I am way to early and way too small still to not be able to bend over. This does not feel good at all, but you think anyone believes me. When I say I feel "fat" or my stomach feels like it is poking out, or that if feels like there is a board in it; they laugh and give me the dumbest response, "It's because you're pregnant". I wish I could knock them out with my stomach, let them feel Jerbear's fist or foot!


I am so not use to this, and anyone who knows me knows I HATE pain and discomfort. I will just accept it and say it could be worse.


All in all this past week has been good. I am happy to report I have finished ALL of my coursework for school. I finished both exams yesterday. Thank God! So now I can focus on Jeremy! This will definitely lighten my stress and be more beneficial to Jeremy.


My cravings are iffy at best. I am no longer sure if I really want something. Shame, because I could be eating some Sour Cream & Onion chips right now (I thought I wanted them but in the next second realized that I didn't). I hate to waste (spend) money so I refuse to buy something I may not eat.


I am not sure where my weight stands, as big as I feel, I would say I now meet the weight requirement. Richard would disagree.


I have yet to "nest" ( get into this super cleaning frenzy they say pregnant women go through ). I think this is because I hate to clean and was way too focused on school than worrying about getting the house ready. I have started to conceptualize his room however.


I still have not purchased maternity clothes. Yea, that's starting to become a problem. I may need to break down and spend money this weekend. Can you tell just how cheap I am?! Pregnancy is definitely not for supercheap people like me. Good thing I have my husband to help me in that department.


Shanika bought Jerbear (leave his nickname alone, it will NOT grow up with him. Richard says its not masculine enough. LOL. It's better than JuJuBee, the name Shanika picked out for him.) As I was saying, Shanika purchased some classical music cd's for him to listen to. Doesn't she realize I have to listen to it too? Jeez. The things pregnant women have to go through.


Well hopefully next week I can report some weight gain, (that's more than just my imagination), some very good cravings (like the fried fish I had this weekend and fried green tomatoes-- health gurus stop your cringing, Jerbear enjoyed every bit of it). I hope to also have at least two maternity outfits. And maybe I can start to consistently walk. Though I doubt that will happen soon because now I am scheduling all of my work meetings with clients in the late afternoon, this cuts into my walking time.


Until next week, keep us in your thoughts (happy) and prayers (God-driven)


Jeremy & Mom.