So I have been a mom for 11 weeks exactly! I have the most beautiful baby boy who brings me so much joy. I started this journey uncertain, frightened and down right resistant. Now I am loving every minute of it. He is such a beautiful child. A true blessing. Now that he is two months old he is smiling, "laughing", and "talking" all of the time. He is amused by something as simple as his mother's smile. He wakes up smiling. He is almost sleeping throughout the night. I put him to bed around 10 pm and he sleeps until 7 am. He loves "sitting up". We prop him up on the deepest part of the couch and he sits there watching everything around him. His best friends are his left hand and his right hand. He prefers those over his binky (pacifier). We took Christmas photos today for the card and he laughed throughout the entire thing. I continue to pray that I raise him as God would have me to. I pray he continues to be happy. Here is a picture of the most beautiful baby boy in the world. Enjoy!
Where does the time go?! I cannot believe it has been more than a month since I last posted. It feels like it was just last week. I am taking a quick break from working on my thesis, while Jeremy is asleep (such rare precious moments) to share news about my precious gift, Jeremy.
He was born on September 30, 2009 at 3:33 am. Though we were scheduled for an induction, I guess I should say I was scheduled, on Sept. 29th at 6pm. He decided to come "on his own" forcing me to go in a whole 12 hours early! I knew he had a mind of his own when he decided to be a week late! He was born "naturally" with the help of some great medication. :)! He was 7 lbs 7 oz and 20" long. Unfortunately there were some complications. I say God was just giving me extra time to learn about being a Mommy, though it did unnerve and stress me out a great deal. He was born with low blood sugar and developed a fever. My guess is it is because they failed to give me an IV after I became sick 3 times and I had not had anything to eat since the morning the day before. We were both being deprived food for more than 48 hours, not just me!
It took almost an entire week before his blood sugar rose consistently. A week to his birth, we were released from the hospital. On to the motherhood journey! I absolutely LOVE my son. I cannot get enough of looking at him and kissing his chubby cheeks. He is gorgeous.... looking like his father and hardly anything like me. Though I do believe he looks like my mother.
I thank God for these attributes because being a first time Mommy is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I thank God I do not have post partum because that on top of this overwhelming feeling and absolute exhaustion and complete trial and error would send me over the edge. I did not go into this blindly, but I never expected it to feel like this. At labor and delivery I was gungho about having another child (must have been the drugs) but a couple of weeks ago I was not so sure. I think we are back to being open to having another child. I liken this to working 24 hours a day and never having time for yourself, ever again in life. If a person can prepare for that prior to their child's birth they will be well prepared and ahead of the game. Unfortunately no one told me to do that. It probably would not have worked any way.
The first week home my mottoes were: 1- This too shall pass, 2- We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, 3- We are not the first to go through this, 4- It could be worse, 5- Someone was not as fortunate as us and lost their baby boy or baby girl. Finally 6, We are absolutely blessed to be parents to Jeremy, God granted us a gift. And look, we made it to four weeks. I still have moments where I feel overwhelmed but they have never been with him. His crying does not annoy us, his dislike for sleeping on his back or even his fussiness, none of this bothers us. I would have to say it is our inability to sleep, the exhaustion is what overwhelms us. Though I think my body is beginning to adjust.
I will try to update often with his milestones: - One hour out of the womb: Lifting (and holding) his head up on his own -- they say this is a sign that he is making room for the next week... hopefully it is not too soon. - Week one or two (really pronounced at week two): began laughing and smiling - Week three: slept for 5 hours throughout the night, in his bassinet, on his back!!!!! Began nightly routine of bath time, feedings, swaddling, and Mommy time (to help me sleep longer) - Week four: Began taking daily walks with Mommy and fur-sister Meeko in his stroller
Lessons learned: - I have decided to stop trying to do everything I read it only messes us up. I will only do what works for us. Trial and error. Understand that not all advice given will work for us, but some of it is worth a try. I should not get discouraged if it does not work, just move on to something else. - Mommy needs a "time out". I did not realize how much better my mood became when people came to visit. It broke up the day. Also getting out of the house, even just for a drive helps. And lastly, though it is hard to do, Mommy needs time away from baby for at least an hour. -I don't feel guilty for missed phone calls or emails, etc..... I'm a Mommy now I really don't have time and those who are offended. - Prayer helps!
I will update whenever possible. Though I doubt it will be as regularly as before he was born.
Wow, I did not realize it has been almost four weeks since I last posted. Things have been crazy to say the least, but in a good way (I think). Let's see, I had the best baby shower ever thanks to my NeNe. She did such a great job. I had so much fun and we received so many wonderful gifts. I just kept thinking, WOW, Jeremy is truly loved.
I am finally on maternity leave. Can't say that I am missing work as of yet. It was a very stressful last couple of months. They gave me an entirely new program to run on top of the two programs that kick off this month and my pending maternity leave I had to prepare for. Can we say there was not a day I was not completely exhausted and stressed! But thank God I made it through .... without quitting my job. (LOL).
Jeremy is coming along nicely I hear. I have not been very pleased with my Drs. appointments lately though. I am seriously considering switching practices once he is born. Let's just say there are a number of reasons but it is too late for me to switch at this point. I just pray for Jeremy and myself that labor and delivery will run smoothly with no complications.
I am guessing (because the Drs. have not shared this with me) that he is approximately 8 lbs. WOW, that in and of itself frightens. Thank God for the babycenter.com updates sharing certain information with me and all of my friends and family. They are much more informative than the doctors.
Lately I have been VERY uncomfortable. There is rarely a moment when I am comfortable. I am reduced to about 3 hours of sleep because pillows do not help, nor changing positions. Now I see why pregnant women say that they cannot wait for their babies to come. But it does not take away my love or excitement for him. I am very excited to meet him and I hope he is excited to meet me too. All in all I have been feeling great otherwise. I am super emotional. I cry at least once or twice a day. I cried about my Mommy and Mommie yesterday .... completely out of the blue. And today I cried while watching Whitney Houston. And the news- oh my, so many DWIs and grooms dying and people I don't even know I have been shedding tears for. My anxiety level is so high right now. Scary. Richard and NeNe can hardly go anywhere without me worrying, that includes work. I hope this is all a result of the pregnancy and I will return to normal soon.
Pretty soon we will be bringing little Jeremy home. His room is all ready for him and we are uber excited. I need to buy his Redskins jersey so he can wear it on game day when Daddy is wearing his Redskins gear. Yes, we are HUGE Redskins fans in this household.
Well, we shall wait to see if we will be posting next week or not. But here is a link to my baby shower pics. I finally got all of the thank you notes out in the mail TODAY! It took forever!!!! What women have to do?! Daddy did not offer at all (LOL)! I should have waited and had Jeremy help me out..... one little footprint would have been thanks enough, don't you think :)!
I know, I know two days late, but I really have a good reason.... I think! So we are officially 36 weeks, one week from being full term. Yippee! This is FANTASTIC news! Now if we can hold off and get to the baby shower this Saturday we will be doing fantabulous.
The last week has been interesting to say the least. Last Wednesday, (at 35 weeks mind you) I started cramping. Well I had an appt the next day with my OB who decided not to tell me what to do in case it worsens. So I return to work, still cramping and they got worse. By 4p I was on the phone calling the Drs. office trying to figure out what to do. Everyone kept saying Braxton Hicks contractions, but I have been having those for a while now, these were your real life menstrual cramps. That's the best way I could describe them. So no one calls me back that night. All I wanted to know was could I take some Tylenol. I had to wait until the next morning to learn that not only was I contracting, because they were pretty consistent, but I also should have been resting the ENTIRE TIME! Now why couldn't the OB just tell me that the day before?! I was livid.
So Thursday I had to stay home and literally monitor EVERY cramp ( I refuse to call them contractions) that came. One was so uncomfortable it put me to sleep (LOL)! Well they finally started to subside for me to only meet more pain on Saturday, these I believe were the real deal. It definitely was not gas. I was scared. I just kept thinking no, we are not ready yet. But we pushed on. Daddy and I went shopping to get some essentials (because he was freaking out more than me) just in case we delivered early.
Just a note to future moms: stubbornness and frugalness are not always good with pregnancy. You see, we don't have all of the essentials because I REFUSED to buy him clothes and pampers and other things we will probably get at the shower. I did not want to get so caught up in buying all of the cutesie stuff that we ignored the more important things, like where he would sleep. We still have not purchased clothes or pampers. Mom & Dad bought his crib and bassinet, AuntMa NeNe bought clothes (galore), pampers, bibs, wipes, receiving blankets, and so much more... to get us started. And this she bought all last week when I started cramping. Well the clothes she has been buying all along.
You know, we are truly blessed. I had not stepped back to realize how much Jeremy's family truly loves him. I am so excited for him to meet his Grandma and Grandpa, his aunts, uncle, and cousin. We will see if he becomes a 3rd generation golfer :)! That will make a nice picture.
Well AuntMa NeNe is doing a fabulous job with the baby shower. She is so excited. Everyone thinks it's a surprise. She can't surprise me, I don't like surprises. But she refuses to let me help with the planning. All I know is that I want my yellow cake with whipped cream icing. And I want to see all of my loved ones and friends. Nothing else matters. It's 2 days away and I am really looking forward to it.
I will update you all next week with baby shower recaps and pictures ( I know, I keep forgetting to post those other pics). So, until next week...... just imagine a blue, brown, and tan room and pics of my pregnant belly. Better yet, here are some pics Daddy posted on his FB page. Hopefully you will be able to see them. Enjoy! http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/photo.php?pid=30703849&id=1162721313&ref=mf
Excited Mommy to be and Jeremy (who finally settled down in there)
So my Mommy is a bit tired today and I offered to write something to you all. Well first I am 35 weeks today. WOW! I have like 5 more weeks to go (or less, but don't let my Mommy hear you say that. She wants to go until her maternity leave starts. I hear she is a bit of a control freak :) )! I am so excited to meet my Mommy and Daddy. Mommy says she is excited to meet me too and scared. But I think she will make a great mom. Even when I elbow her or really kick her badly she does not get upset with me. And I do this A LOT!!! Most of the time she says "OK Jerbear/Jeremy, that is hurting Mommy so take it easy in there". I normally don't because I barely have any room left, but she never wishes I would stop. She is starting to read a new book to me about colors. We are going over different colors and spelling them out. For some reason she stopped singing to me, but I am sure Daddy will start singing to me now that he has been asked to join our church's choir. Mommy laughs at Daddy a lot about this. He has also promised to read a new book to me, I am so excited. Every time I hear his voice I get REALLY excited and start kicking Mommy extra hard (but not to hurt her... I promise). Mommy and Daddy are taking baby birthing classes and they are learning a lot and enjoying it. Go figure. I think it is scaring them too. Mommy is funny trying to remember how to breath. She forgets everything it seems. Hopefully she remembers when I am coming. Well, at this point I think I am at least 5 lbs., even though everyone believes that Mommy is way too small to be 8 months. I am about the size of a honeydew melon. We have an appointment tomorrow to make sure Mommy and I are doing well and still on track for Sept. 22nd. We will let you know how that goes. In the meantime, I will continue moving around searching for a comfortable spot, anxiously awaiting my arrival in 5 weeks.
Wow, the weeks have flown by! We have been busy. Which is why we missed a week of posting. But Jeremy has definitely been the center of my (and everyone else's) attention lately. Let's see new developments... We started getting Jeremy's room together. It is really looking great. Daddy did most, okay all of the work. Well I did direct him and I handed him "tools". He painted the accent wall. I tried to help but I messed up somewhere along the way. So he finished it. He put the crib together AND the bassinet. Those instructions make no sense to me. We still have to hang the curtains, paint the letters of his initials and hang them on the wall, and get the remaining accessories for the room (rug, pictures, chair, etc.). We started birthing classes. How exciting. I felt a bit of trepidation going into it, actually regretting the decision to take the class. Let me just say, there are too many know-it-alls and naysayers in the world! Good thing I did not listen to them. Our instructor is great! The other parents-to-be are also great. Daddy was really enjoying himself and was fully participating. He knew every answer to all of the questions. Well he does have a biology background... I never said I knew anything about biology, anatomy or the like. Leave it to sociology, criminology and psychology, then we can talk! Yesterday we took professional photos with my dear friend Carissa. Daddy was not able to come so we will probably have to schedule a follow-up session. I LOVE the shots Carissa was able to get. She is an AWESOME photographer. I will post some later. I will also post pics of Jerbear's room as well. It's amazing that I am the only person who thinks I am huge! I guess when you have been small all of your life and then all of a sudden you have a stomach, you would feel the same. I am now up to 132 lbs. Jerbear is a little over 4 lbs. The doctors are completely impressed that he is doing so well considering my lack of significant weight gain. We all agree, he is getting all of my weight. Hehe... less for me to lose once he arrives in less than 7 weeks! I am having a truly normal pregnancy now. I hate hot weather, I am hot all the time (can you believe the girl who is ALWAYS cold is now always hot) and I can barely sleep. Between the back pain and bathroom trips I am getting about 4-5 hours of sleep intermittently. My back hurts ALL the time. He enjoys kicking the heck out of my ribs, like right now. I am always tired and oh my goodness, OUT OF BREATH. Brushing my teeth makes me tired and winded. The doctor said I should only walk for 10 minutes a day instead of the normal 30-60. GOOD! I nearly pass out walking up to the stop sign in my neighborhood (trust me it is not that far either)! But I would not trade any of this for the world. I am anxious out of my mind but so excited to meet him. God I just pray your blessings over this pregnancy and baby Jeremy. Keep us both safe and healthy. -- Thank you and Amen.
Well I will not have time to post anything this week because of the annual Back to School event for DSS. But we will be back next week at 34 weeks!
Ok, we are more than a week late!!! But here is the blog from last week that never posted.
Yippee! 2 months to go (that is 32 weeks down, 8 weeks to go for those of you that have been keeping track)!
So let me start by saying how absolutely blessed I feel right now. Okay, now you know just how blessed I feel. Well every other minute I think about how extremely petrified I am to give birth. I am more afraid of the labor at this point that I am to be Jeremy's mom. I have so many great people in my life that have reassured me that I will love him to pieces. And you know what, I will. All of my previous reservations about having children has completely disipated. Hey, my grand(Mother) raised two smart-mouthed girls with absolutely NO money and little support, and she was disabled. And look how we turned out. I just need to rest and be reassured of all of her teachings. Took me how many months to figure that one out?!
Now, if someone could convince me that the labor will not be so bad. Oh yeah, did I also mention that my other waking fear is that there will be something wrong with Jerbear or something will happen to me? Those who know me, know that I am a bit of a pessimist. OK, maybe more than a bit. I am a true worrywart. I feared dying at 30 because my mother died at 30. If you know from what you probably think I was irrational. Well, with my birthday 5 days ago at least I am almost 31! I won't mention some of my other fears, but trust me they are there.
But these two are nagging me so much I can hardly sleep at night. How do other mothers do it? Richard does not seem to mind or fear any of this stuff. Is it me, or are these rational fears?
My line sister--- that is my sorority sister I pledged with, just had her baby on Sunday. She was due Aug. 11th. Baby girl Kissa Adore'e was a few weeks early. Congrats Gisele and Keith. My cousins baby Alyssa was born at 30 weeks, 2 months early! My hope is that we can hold out for the full term. Why, simply put.. I am writing my thesis and work! Oh, and I am not ready yet. We don't even have the car seat yet. So really, I think a few more weeks will hopefully not hurt anything.
But I must reiterate again, how excited I am to meet my little man. I went to the library after a work meeting yesterday evening and checked out some labor and delivery books. The one for dad is awesome. I like his better than my own. We are all set for our childbirthing classes to start next Thursday 8/6/09. Hopefully they won't scare me. Everyone says they are a waste of time, but after reading a few snippets of those books....ummmm let's just say there is a lot of stuff I am not aware of. Let's just say there are more steps to labor than the part where I am actually giving birth. If you knew that, good for you smarty pants, I didn't. Yea, I am one of those learn as I go type of people. I don't rush things and usually wait until it is time to know something.
Let's see... Jerbear is well is my my karate pro, gymnast, soccer champ... are you getting my drift here? He is pretty much active all day every day. Though for some reason, on his pre-birth day days he gets really quiet. I wonder what that is all about. I am sure when we ready for bed he will be super active again, making me want to yelp.
Wow, we have reached 31 weeks! My mom is super excited. Oh yeah, mom let me write to you all today since she hogged it last week.
Let's see, according to the doc, I am looking pretty good. He was impressed. Mom has not gained any weight since her last visit, but I sure have.
Mom and dad have been busy this week. They painted my room (well dad did most of the work while mom looked on). They put my crib together today and arranged my room. It looks great. My sister (Meeko) keeps running in my room for some reason though. I think she thinks it's her room.. WRONG! Who can blame her though, I'd want that room for myself as well. Good thing it's mine :)! Now mom is trying to put the finishing touches on my room. Hopefully she does not go over board.
My Aunt NeNe has been busy with the baby shower stuff. Mommy has been helping out some. So right now I feel like a prince, everything is about me. Though I think Meeko is a bit jealous. She'll just have to get use to it. She is no longer the baby of the house, though Mommy keeps saying that she is her first born. Not sure how that can be considering she is a dog. But don't let her hear you say that, she thinks she's human.
It's been nice having mom so relaxed this week. She's on vacation with Daddy and even though they have been busy she has really enjoyed her time off and time with Daddy. I hope it stays that way when she returns to work next week and really get re-focused on her thesis. Well, I guess we should call it a night. Mommy never took her nap today as Daddy suggested, so I need to let her sleep. She complains she cannot get comfortable enough to sleep anymore. Something about her belly (I guess she is referring to me) being in the way. She has so many pillows in the bed Daddy has no room. Not to mention she is now making him sleep on her side of the bed. Poor daddy.
Well until next week :) Nighty night. Time for Mommy to read to me and sing Jesus Loves Me before falling off to sleep.
Wow, given the rocky road we started out on, Jeremy has made it to 30 weeks as of yesterday. How exciting! For his birthday we bought him his very own crib. We'll Grandma and Grandpa did :)! What a task it was to find that thing. My impatience caused me to purchase his changing table and dresser weeks ago when it was on sale at Sears. Little did I know that they had discontinued the brand, no wonder it was so inexpensive. So of course trying to find a color that matches perfectly was impossible. Can I say anxiety attack. No, really, I almost had an anxiety attack because I wanted his crib to be just right. Well it was either that or the stress I was feeling over my comprehensive exams.
Thank GOD that is over!... Now the hard part, waiting to find out if we passed. I say we because my little man was very active throughout the entire 4 hours I was taking the exam. Yes, you read correctly, FOUR hours! I wanted to be as thorough as possible. Hopefully I didn't over think anything.
OK, back to baby room shopping. So now my anxiety is over. Yea right, so I realize that the colors do not match as well as I would like. Now I am tempted to take it back to the store and try all over again. This is frustrating. I should call Sears for misleading me to thinking I could buy the crib online. Can I cry now?! The anal, retentive, perfectionist in me is screaming at this point. Of course NeNe and Richard are telling me I am crazy. Jerbear probably is too, but he can't talk yet.
Well, I guess we should call it a night and rest our sleepy heads. Jerbear is now really partying at night while Mommy tries to sleep. Hmmmm..... hopefully I will be able to sleep throughout the night.
Talk to you next week,
Jerbear's mom..... he may be back with his own report :) He seems to see things differently than I.
Wow, I am 29 weeks old today. My Mommy and Daddy are really getting excited. So am I. I cannot wait to meet them. Mommy has been singing Jesus Loves Me every night, after our reading, spelling, and definition lessons. I am going to be smart as a whip. I wonder if I should tell Mommy that her voice is not all that great, but I still feel special that she is singing to me. She has been complaining about feeling tired lately. She won't admit that I am the cause. She says stress and studying for some exam she has on Monday. But Daddy and Aunt NeNe keep telling her that she is now in the 3rd trimester (whatever that means) and she is suppose to be tired. I finally got to meet my grandma and grandpa, and Aunt Kymmie. I also met my cousin AJ. OK, well not really met them but Mommy and Daddy went to go see them with my sister Meeko, and I actually got a chance to tell my Aunt Kymmie hello (I was kicking). She liked it. I can't wait to meet them for real. She made the best hot dogs (shhh... Mommy says she was not suppose to eat a hot dog--- Daddy called her out for it too) and hamburgers and steak. Mmmmm mmmm good, I can still taste it. Though Daddy's dinner tonight of baked pork chops, broccoli, and rice were good too. Well Mommy says she needs to get back to studying before she falls asleep. So I will quickly update you all. I am 29 weeks old, I will be here before you know it. I think 11 weeks to go to be exact. Daddy thinks I will be here on time, so does Mommy. My favorite past time is kicking Mommy and making her yelp out loud. Though I have been pretty quiet today. We saw the doctor yesterday. Mommy gained 3 more pounds, but I think the Dr. wants her to gain more because she told Mommy not to slack off. But my heart is beating strong and I weigh more than 2 pounds now. Here take a look at what I may look like, Mommy says my skin is probably darker than that, but look anyway. Me at 29 weeks!! Well we are wrapping up studying so Mommy can go spend some time with Daddy at 9p. I love you all. Can't wait to talk to you all next week.
Well I am 28 weeks old today. Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. I guess I partied so much the last few days in my Mommy's belly I am doing a lot of resting today. Though I am occasionally kicking her every now and again. She always comments when I do that, especially when I do it a lot. She always ends by saying, I love you so much- even though you like to hurt me. I don't think I am hurting her, I am just telling her I am okay in here and I love her too.
Daddy is really excited because he says I can now distinguish voices. Not quite sure what that means, but I think it means I can tell who's talking to me. Well duh! I know when Mommy is saying the alphabet with me each morning and Daddy kisses me and says, "Hey Jeremy, it's Daddy". What do they think, I'm stupid or something?! Hey that's Mommy's favorite word, so I figure it's okay for me to say too. She always says she needs to find a better word, before I am born. Too late, I'm already saying it.
I enjoy reciting the Lord's prayer with Mommy each morning and listening to Daddy and Meeko playing each night. My sister's feisty. AuntMa keeps calling me JuJuBee, but I like Jerbear much better. Hopefully that won't last too long either. A genius needs a more sophisticated name. That's what Mommy says, whatever that means.
You may be wondering how I know their names so well. Well each morning Mommy spells my name first, then Daddy's, then her name, and Meeko's name. I like that a lot. She just started reading me some other books too. I don't think she likes them that much though. She kept complaining about them to Daddy and her co-workers. I am also listening to classical and gospel music A LOT!
Well, Mommy says it's time to go now. I can't wait to meet you. Mommy and Daddy are super excited to meet me. That's all they tell people these days. But I'm excited too, I think......
Well, I am a day late, but not to fear we are here. Unfortunately we were stricken with a summer cold that we are now recouping from. Started last Wednesday, I thought it was going away and WAM, back with a venegence on Sunday. So I spent Monday afternoon and ALL day yesterday in bed. I hate bed rest! God is good though, I never had a fever. Yea!!!
It seems when women are sick men lose all common sense, or maybe they never had it. So I husband comes home from work early to "take care of me". Or so he says :)! He immediately brings me some OJ, but that's about it. Breakfast, I was on my own, Lunch, forget about it. Now dinner.. well he did pop a frozen pizza in the oven and take out my salad fixings for me to prepare. Now if you think he is just rude, not really. Because not only did my sister go through something similar yesterday as well (she is also sick), but my best friend did when she was sick... and she has an 11th month old baby. Men just don't get it. No sympathy for the sick pregnant wife I guess. Of course I made him feel guilty and reflect on is inconsistencies.
But we are getting better now. My head no longer feels as if it's floating in the air, about to burst. Baby J is doing well. I just learned that he could be hiccuping in my belly. Hmmm... I am not quite sure how this feels, but I'm almost certain he's hiccuped plenty of times and silly me chalked it up to him moving around. He's definitely a lot more active than ever before. Good thing, sometimes uncomfortable. Yea, uncomfortable.... that's a "nice" word for it.
So I recently told NeNe that I am going through this phase where I feel like I am harming him in some way and am scared out of my mind. She thinks I'm crazy. It's the reason I refuse to take meds while I am sick and I question everything I eat. If only I could stop eating those darn McDonald fries. But I am always second-guessing and questioning myself about the level of care I am providing for him. It seems my hubby dear has no concerns in this department, but I sure do. This pregnancy is bringing out so many crazy thoughts and emotions. I wonder what September will bring.
Well, Jerbear is now 27 weeks old .... Happy Pre-Birthday Baby J.
For those of you who have ever been pregnant, you have probably asked this question. I am to a point now where all I do is apologize or yelp in frustration at my forgetfulness. It really is becoming a problem. The reason I put the question in the subject line is because I keep forgetting how many weeks we are OR what month we are now in. Shame, I was never one to remember dates but really, forgetting when Jeremy's due date is is a bit much don't ya think?!
I have always had a photographic memory. I have never been great with dates or names but have been pretty okay .... that is up until now. Now I can barely remember if I have met someone. What's with this brain thing? My parasite should be super smart when he arrives. Hopefully my loss of brain power means his increase. I guess we shall wait and see.
As for updates... Jeremy is officially 1 lb and 12 oz. YEA!!! He is right on track for his "age". Everything is developing right nicely for my baby boy. It should be, he "eats like his daddy"! I'm telling you, it's a wonder I am not gaining a lot of weight. Every time I turn around he is "hungry" again. I have never been this hungry in all of my life. What gives? Last night I refused to go back downstairs a second time to get something to eat. I just ate the peanuts I keep at my bedside. Can I say how sick of those peanuts I am getting?! Peanuts, crackers, wheat thins, even cookies I am starting to hate. I hate being such a picky eater. Man, if it was true that pregnant women really do have interesting cravings I would be good to go... maybe a pickle with peanut butter like my little sister suggests.
Other updates..... I am fine, only gained a few pounds, but it's better than losing. Everything else is looking good so far. I took my glucose test yesterday. Sometimes, husbands can be the best things in the world... other times... hmmmm. My husband decided to remind me at least five times what time I needed to start drinking the syrup (as I like to call it). Then he stood there and watched me drink it, and had the nerve to say, "make sure you drink it all", like I had a choice. I love him so much. I know so many women do not have this support so I am not complaining, I just love the irony in our roles with this pregnancy. Hopefully all of my tests will come back with great results.
Last thing to note, so Sunday night as I was lying in bed watching TV, Jeremy was doing the strangest things. I can hardly describe it. It was not kicking or punching it was SO much more. I had to call my sister and hubby because I said I can actually feel his entire body moving inside me. How weird and awesome at the same time. Hmmmmm I wonder how Kate Gosslin (Jon & Kate Plus 8) must have felt with 6 little bodies moving inside her. So weird and neat. It's an experience I will always remember.
Well we are almost 25 weeks in a few hours. How exciting and scary. Jeremy is certainly making his presence known. Now my excitement is full blown. I still cannot believe I am going to be a mother. Well, (I should say) that I am a mother, he's just making his debut a little later.
This weekend brought new emotions I never thought I would feel. Oddly enough I felt depressed. Mainly because I felt "abandoned". I still wonder where all of this came from, but essentially my darling hubby went to play golf (ugh!), and my NeNe had to work ALL day (double ugh!). Usually I would not care, and actually relish in a weekend alone with no obligations, but not this weekend. To top it off I was irritable and moody as a result. Well all of this led to a fantastic migraine headache I finally got rid of this morning.
I told my sister friend Carolyn about my mood and she said it is perfectly normal. I hate feeling so out of control. This pregnancy is really taking me for a loop. I am sure the reward will far outweigh all of this stuff though.
We've just finished dinner so I am sitting here trying to figure out if I am full or if my stomach just feels like it's stretching to the moon because Jeremy is getting bigger. As you can see from the picture, I am ALL belly. Actually NeNe and Richard say I am losing weight in other places but I refuse to believe them. Their just being mean :)!
Well, we are off to get some studying done for our comprehensive exams. I can't wait until this phase of my life is over. I feel that God has blessed me with Jeremy when He did for so many different reasons. I am just not so sure why yet. I am sure that it all relates to my job, my degree and my relationship with the people related with both...or in general. Very stressful time right now for Jeremy and myself. I am trying to set a good example for him but I don't think I do a good job of it. My faith will see us through this. I just pray through all of this stress God will protect him and continue to keep him 100% healthy.
So today I want to take a detour and talk a little about life... of course relating it back to Jeremy.
For the last few months I have had some difficult people in my life. Of course they were not aware that I considered them difficult people because I never felt right telling them that. You know how that can be. You don't want to tell someone that they are difficult to get along with because they can't be trusted, they lie about EVERYTHING, they are manipulative and way too needy. Well, that's the case here. I also felt that I was not one to judge, I have my own issues and can be a pure pain to be around myself.
Well, as the months ticked on I realized my life was getting out of control, because I was not speaking up. Actually I felt that had I spoken up it would be a detriment to me and possibly my future. Of course Richard and NeNe were doing their best to convince me to speak up, but I felt, in time things would right themselves.
Well now, I realize that I should have been more honest with this one person in particular. Despite the superiority this person has over me, I should have stood my ground and been completely honest. Regardless of the consequences. So in all of this, I wish that my son realizes WHO he is and how is actions affect other people. I hope Jeremy will learn that things typically happen to us as a consequence of how we act. My Mommie use to say all the time: If one person says it, you don't have to believe it, if two people say it, start perking up those ears; but if more than 3 people say the same thing about you .... you better listen because there is some truth there.
I just hope Jeremy never blames others for his place in life. Despite the hell I went through growing up, I had to realize my biological parents could only be blamed until I became responsible for myself and my own actions. What I go through today, is a direct result of who I am and how I act. If I am looked over for a promotion, denied a job, not chosen to be some one's friend, or asked to step down from a position I have to look first within myself to see where fault lies. We must realize the entire world is not out to get us. If we exert positive energy (this means: COMPLETE honesty, not gossiping, helpfulness without expecting it to be returned, and so on) into the world people will be drawn to you automatically.
My one prayer from the day I found out I was pregnant was this: Lord, I pray that I will raise Your son (Jeremy) to truly know You, love You, reverence You, and seek after You with his whole heart. If Jeremy can do this, maybe he will be saved from being a difficult person. Maybe he will have the love of God in him at all times. I know, I have so many faults with my anger and lack of patience that I may not be the one to really teach him the ways of God. But I wish he does not learn the hard way what it means to be a difficult person like I did.... by allowing a difficult person to be a part of his life.
I am not sure how many people follow my blogs privately. But if you are reading this and you think you are a difficult person, please do as I do. PRAY! Only God will deliver you from yourself. At the end of each day you should be able to close your eyes and say... I cannot be called out on the rug for lying to someone, gossiping about someone, manipulating someone, and so on so forth. I love the saying my Mommie use to say all the time: "Do unto others has you will have them do unto you."
Don't get even, don't get angry Just Pray. And please don't pray for revenge, pray for wisdom and discernment for yourself and others. Pray God shows you the way and His will for your life.
As I finish this blog I will do so in prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You humbly and in reverence of You. As I await the arrival of Your gift to me, Jeremy, I pray for more of Your wisdom and discernment as it pertains to my life. I pray that the lessons You are so graciously teaching me today, I will fully receive and serve as a blessing to others. I will be salt to the earth and a light in dark places. But most importantly Lord, I pray that as you so diligently and patiently teach me how to walk in Your ways and have a pure and genuine relationship with You, I will do the same with Jeremy. Lord You are the only teacher that this world needs. I thank You for Your presence in my life. I pray for those who are still seeking You and have not quite found You. May Your light shine on them as it has for me. Thank You Lord for Your grace and mercy. In Jesus name I pray these and all other blessing, Amen!
So here's the deal, when people say that pregnant women are really hormonal, BELIEVE THEM! It's true..... but to a certain extent. And never, I mean NEVER tell them they are acting that way because they are pregnant. This will incite a one-woman riot. Seriously.
Now to the issue at hand. I woke up in a bad mood this morning, that is, when I was finally able to wake up. I am convinced my darling parasite is enjoying every minute inside his pouch, laughing away at Mommy's constant trips to the bathroom when she should be sleeping. And I hear it is only going to get worse, YIKES! See this is what men get to avoid. Then I stumble (literally) back in bed each time --- I refuse to put on my glasses or turn on a light, because it will affect my ability to fall back asleep-- and fall into an idiotic dream induced sleep state. These are not the peachy pleasant dreams. NO! They are crazy!!! I mean can I get a decent night's sleep? Between the bathroom trips and these crazy dreams I am sleep deprived.
So I overslept, big time this morning. And even fell back asleep. Mind you I have three alarms set (at 15 and 30 minute increments) along with a wake up call from my hubby (we'll get to him in a minute) and my NeNe (who would drag me out of bed if she could). To no avail I overslept given all of that.
To my darling husband... he comes home, takes out the recycling, opens up the house downstairs, and puts out Meeko's food. He comes upstairs, kisses me and gets on the computer. Hmmmm.. problem I should be dressed by now and Meeko should have been let out and finished eating by now. Well besides everything I am thinking, we start talking about breakfast. Which is a point of contention for me because I still hate breakfast. I am literally forcing myself to eat every morning. So, I have overslept, I am running really late, and I still need to eat. When my DH asks me about breakfast I snap. He asks purely for himself, what there is to eat. I'm thinking you have a pregnant wife, think about her and the baby.
So I said Jeremy wakes up each morning STARVING. His response, I should go feed him. Boy, wrong day to say those words. I snap even more this time. I respond: This is your baby too, why should I be the only one responsible for feeding him? Just because I have to carry him does not give me the sole responsibility to do all the work. This whole women being pregnant thing was not a choice I had to make. You need to help feed your baby too. His response: Okaaayyyy, you really are in a bad mood. Then he said, you make no sense.
So my question to you.... Am I really crazy?! I think NOT, it makes perfect sense. And please remember I am still in a bad mood so whatever you do, make no reference to hormones.
There is not much to report this week. Yesterday as I was watching a Pediasure commercial I became extremely excited! I don't know, something about me handing Jeremy a Pediasure (I can see me making sure he eats healthy and gets all of his nutrients). I wonder if it was the hormones making me feel this excitement, or watching all of the last season's episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Those kids are so CUTE!!!! See they are older so I can say that.
Besides this new found excitement, there is not much else to say. I did begin drinking those Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks. Not bad, just taste like a chocolate vitamin. So I have one every morning with breakfast. I wish I had known about these before now, Jeremy would be loving me for sure!
Jeremy had a field day yesterday evening after dinner (it was the baked potato and BBQ chicken that excited him, I'm sure-- he agrees because he just started kicking me again). He kicked and kicked and kicked and his AuntMa (Ne-Ne) was there to finally feel him kick.
I am showing more and more each day and if you can convince my sister to upload those pics you will be able to see for yourself. We'll Jeremy and I are off to eat and begin on another paper.
Just a quick note: I have been told that now is the time to ready my first born (my shih tzu Meeko) for the baby. So I have been told to play baby sounds and noises. Sitting here now, writing this has been interesting. I played a baby crying on Youtube and boy did she hate it. She followed her daddy to our bedroom and hid under the bed. I guess I have some work to do!!!! Any advice?
So this post will short! (I Promise) A couple of blogs ago I mentioned not getting excited. But I finally felt the first signs of excitement yesterday as I was driving in to work. AMAZING! The fear is still there, but I am definitely excited.
I thought what it would be like for Jeremy to look at me and giggle and kick his feet and do the same for his father. I know, seems simple and it may never happen but the thought that it might excited me.
Hopefully I will have more of these feelings as I go through the process. I know there is nothing like being a parent so we shall see.
Question, if you are living in Durham and have a pediatrician for your child, who do you recommend? We are taking suggestions.
Thanks and Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Today was an almost great doctor's appointment. Let's get the bad stuff out of the way first. So I only gained a total of 3.7 pounds. No kidding, I have been eating like crazy lately and all for naught, because certainly I am not at the 10 pound requirement as I should be. Oh well, as my friend Carolyn said, at least I am not losing weight like I was in the beginning.
Now for the good stuff! Dr. Choi was great (we rotate Drs. so there is a new one each visit because we don’t know who will deliver the baby)! She answered all of my unasked questions. I went in with a list of questions and she answered EVERY one of them before I could even ask. That means she took the time to read my file before coming to see me. She gave great advice and prepared me on what I should expect. For example, she said I should try drinking Instant Carnation Breakfast in the morning because it has more calories, protein, and vitamins than my chocolate milkshakes (I drink those in the morning with my breakfast).
Jeremy was very active when we listened to him this morning. He will definitely be on someone's football field if he father has any say in it. My lethargic feeling is actually normal she says. Not every body is the same and Jeremy is like a parasite (her words, not mine-- but I do agree with the terminology -- a good parasite) that takes all of my nutrients, energy, and so on. So this is normal.
Dr. Choi also helped me realize why I hate for people to be in my space. She said at this stage of the game, my tolerance level is low and I will be very irritable. My poor husband and NeNe can certainly attest to that. When NeNe and I went shopping this weekend I realized I became so upset that we had to leave the store. I was upset for a number of reasons, but I realized I was about to "go off" on these customers because they had walked down the aisle I was browsing through. They got in my space, and I got upset. Dr. Choi said this was normal because pregnant women want to "protect" their space. I was this way before pregnancy, it's even worse now.
One thing I have noticed is that Jeremy has completely messed up my hair, almost I should say. Where my hair was thinning out in the front, it has now grown back. But the good news ends there. My texture has changed completely. I have always had the thick coarse hair, but boy oh boy, it’s worse than ever before. And never in my life have I had trouble with my hair growing, seriously NeNe (Shanika) says it’s shorter than when I actually cut it a few months back. How can that be?
I just have one gripe before I close out today. Maternity clothes! Shopping for maternity clothes is starting to really upset me. I mean really upset me. This is what NeNe and I were doing this weekend, with no luck! So far I have tried Ross, TJ Maxx, Marshall’s, Target, Old Navy, and Kohl’s. Can we say pointless. These stores could care less about pregnant women. Ross, Old Navy (only one of their stores) and Kohl’s had all of ONE RACK to purchase from. I am looking for a dress for church (considering my suits are a little to snug for a place of worship, or PERIOD!). I found NONE! Marshall’s and TJ Maxx had NOTHING for pregnant women. No lies, check it out yourself.
I know, you are probably saying why not just shop at a maternity store. Because like wedding stores I think they are rip offs that hike up prices for an outfit I will only wear for a short period of time. I realized, having a baby is like getting married, it costs a ton of money and it shouldn’t! If I were not so rational I would not have a problem spending money, but I am. And I think my money would be better spent on preparing for my baby than on some clothes. I think these bargain retail stores need to get it together and respect us pregnant women out here. We need clothes too.
I can’t believe I just sat here and ate a whole bowl of Chicken Oodles of Noodles. I HATE those things, but I had a craving so I had to eat it. I had a Whopper earlier from Burger King. Yes, another craving. I had no idea they were so huge. I have not eaten at BK since college, probably before because I hate fast food burgers (except CookOuts). Well at least you know I am eating. Yes, I ate some Kix cereal for breakfast, a huge bowl I might add. And my snacks include Whole Wheat Wheat Thins, Peanut Butter Crackers, an apple, a banana, and some Vanilla cookies. My blood pressure is perfect so no worries about the MSG in the oodles and noodles and burger. Well until next week, Jeremy will continue to amaze me with his summersaults and back flips. He’s the athlete already. Hopefully he will figure out night from day. LOL!
Keep praying and we shall keep growing! Jeremy & mom (22 weeks and counting).
I realized, this pregnancy thing comes with a whole new set of rules. I think many people feel that when a woman becomes pregnant she automatically feels this euphoric feeling, especially if her life is what many would envy. But I disagree.
This past weekend I was asked by an acquaintance if I was excited about the pregnancy yet. As I have done to date, I was nothing short of honest. I said "no, not really." What purpose would it serve to say yes, when I knew it to be a lie. The looks I received from those around me and the quiet that ensued thereafter made me second guess my decision, but only for a split second. I make no apologies for feeling the way I do.
I wish people would stop being so judgmental and misunderstanding. If we live in a world where we walk in Christian love, judgment (which is oftentimes in error) would decrease greatly. Of course I talked to my husband about it later and he thought people would think our marriage was in trouble. That thought never even crossed my mind, because it's so far from the truth and how I would think. I just think women assume every pregnant woman should be excited about the possibility of bringing another baby into this world.
Here's the deal if you are wondering why I am not excited. Fear. Plain and simple. I am a pessimist at heart who had a rough childhood that plagues me today. I do everything by making logical decisions and second-guessing myself. My worst fear is that my baby will not survive. My next worse fear is that he will survive and will have an illness I may have caused because I am not a health conscious person. And then I think, if all of that does not happen, then what if I suck as a mother.
See, ever since I went off to college, every decision I made was calculated with the ultimate goal of survival and success. I want to be perfect at all I do. (Yea, I know this will never happen, but at least I refuse to settle for anything). I like to be in control of my situation at all times. I am a thinker, I sometimes lack of emotion because it clogs my head. And here, God is making me responsible for a precious life. Yes, my husband is one in a million. He could be a poster guy for perfect husbands (sins his over the top cleanliness). But I never think about my support network because I am independent person who likes to maintain control. Plain and simple, I fear the unknown. This pregnancy, my baby.... it's all foreign and unknown to me.
I know, what about my Christian faith? I never professed to be perfect, just that I want to be perfect in all I do. This is one of my major downfalls in life. Trusting God to the fullest extent. But I take comfort in knowing that Christ will never leave me nor forsake me and I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
I love Jeremy as much as a mother can love her child. I want the absolute best for him despite my fears and uncertainties. My lack of excitement does not deduce my love or concern for him. I just hope, that if you are a person who projects your thoughts and feelings about a certain subject or event onto others, you will stop and think about what you are really doing. (I am talking to myself as much as anyone out there that can relate to doing this) Let's lose the judgement and allow others to freely express themselves.
I am so happy to have an outlet to share these honest thoughts and feelings with others. I feel by doing so, more people will open up about their own experiences. Be it pregnancy or otherwise. One thing I know for certain, my son has changed my life in so many ways already. Despite what may happen, I know he is sent from God.
I will be back tomorrow with an update from our latest doctor's appointment. Let's hope I have gained some weight back :)!
Well, we have made it to 21 weeks today. What a blessing. This past week has been pretty normal. I think my energy is starting to come back now that classes are over, though I still find myself asleep at 9 pm, during my prime time shows! Good thing I have a DVR. Jeremy has been busy getting acquainted with every inch of my belly, EVERY INCH! He gets really excited when Mommy lays down to rest after work. I mean who wouldn't want to get active as others are trying to rest, right?! I can just picture how little rest I will get when he gets here! Let's see, as far as Mommy, no headaches to report (thank GOD). I am not sure about my weight (I don't own a scale and refuse to buy one). The good thing is that I am hungry all the time now. When I wake up, when I am about to fall asleep for the night, when it's lunch time and dinner time. He pretty much wants food all the time now. I can eat meat now, for the most part. My cravings are still few and far between. We want barbecued (grilled) chicken for dinner. That's all we can come up with for now. All in all we are doing exceptionally well, we hope and pray. We have our next appointment next week so we shall see about the weight issue and how well Jerbear is doing in there. Richard and I both wonder how comfortable he is in there, just seems super weird. Listen, I am trying to find classes on how to take care of a baby. See, I know NOTHING about babies, they scare me, but you already knew that. I realized, I still have no clue as to how to change a diaper. Really, I don't. And burping and all that stuff. Hmmmm.... I am getting that overwhelmed feeling again. Let me focus on the fact that I still have 4 months to ponder all of this. My hubby is much more confident than I am, though I know he is just as clueless. He's just wanted this since FOREVER! Just pray that I don't have my son's diaper draped over his arms and head (LOL)! On a bad day, that just might happen. Just kidding, Shanika and Richard will be there, calm down.
Till next week, happy growing. Keep us in your prayers.
Love, Jeremy's mom (hmmm I can get use to saying that now... kinda like when I would say Richard's wife). It has a ring to it.
Can you believe it?! We are 5 months pre-old today (LOL)!
Jeremy is well and kicking! He is definitely making his presence known, almost every night when I am winding down to sleep!!!!
What I cannot figure out is why pregnant women only tell you the best parts or the worst parts of pregnancy. They leave out the rest. Like for the past two days I have felt as if a board (yes a board) is poking me in my stomach and whenever I bend over it hurts. I am way to early and way too small still to not be able to bend over. This does not feel good at all, but you think anyone believes me. When I say I feel "fat" or my stomach feels like it is poking out, or that if feels like there is a board in it; they laugh and give me the dumbest response, "It's because you're pregnant". I wish I could knock them out with my stomach, let them feel Jerbear's fist or foot!
I am so not use to this, and anyone who knows me knows I HATE pain and discomfort. I will just accept it and say it could be worse.
All in all this past week has been good. I am happy to report I have finished ALL of my coursework for school. I finished both exams yesterday. Thank God! So now I can focus on Jeremy! This will definitely lighten my stress and be more beneficial to Jeremy.
My cravings are iffy at best. I am no longer sure if I really want something. Shame, because I could be eating some Sour Cream & Onion chips right now (I thought I wanted them but in the next second realized that I didn't). I hate to waste (spend) money so I refuse to buy something I may not eat.
I am not sure where my weight stands, as big as I feel, I would say I now meet the weight requirement. Richard would disagree.
I have yet to "nest" ( get into this super cleaning frenzy they say pregnant women go through ). I think this is because I hate to clean and was way too focused on school than worrying about getting the house ready. I have started to conceptualize his room however.
I still have not purchased maternity clothes. Yea, that's starting to become a problem. I may need to break down and spend money this weekend. Can you tell just how cheap I am?! Pregnancy is definitely not for supercheap people like me. Good thing I have my husband to help me in that department.
Shanika bought Jerbear (leave his nickname alone, it will NOT grow up with him. Richard says its not masculine enough. LOL. It's better than JuJuBee, the name Shanika picked out for him.) As I was saying, Shanika purchased some classical music cd's for him to listen to. Doesn't she realize I have to listen to it too? Jeez. The things pregnant women have to go through.
Well hopefully next week I can report some weight gain, (that's more than just my imagination), some very good cravings (like the fried fish I had this weekend and fried green tomatoes-- health gurus stop your cringing, Jerbear enjoyed every bit of it). I hope to also have at least two maternity outfits. And maybe I can start to consistently walk. Though I doubt that will happen soon because now I am scheduling all of my work meetings with clients in the late afternoon, this cuts into my walking time.
Until next week, keep us in your thoughts (happy) and prayers (God-driven)
Can you believe it, we are 19 weeks today! I never thought that I would ever be a biological mother, and here we are, 19 weeks into the possibility that in a little more than a few months this little one may be calling me Mommy.
Since finding out I was pregnant in February, I have experienced all of the emotions one can have, except maybe the exuberance many mothers speak of. This is of course overshadowed by my many many fears and flaws. But talking to my sister I realized most of this is because of my own relationship with my biological mother. Strange how someone I only knew for 10 years can have such an impact on my life. Most of my fears come in me not wanting to be like her. My wonderful sister already told me that I have more than proven that I am not, and that this should be no exception.
People find it strange when they find out how much I fear being a mother because I absolutely LOVE children. They are my passion. Most of my joy comes from me knowing that I can possibly help a child emotionally, spiritually, academically and so on.
So at 19 weeks I have realized that this may not be so bad, me being a biological mother. I am already starting to fall in love with him. Oh, by the way, we found out last week that it is indeed a BOY!!!! I am so excited because I'd have no idea what to do with a girl.
Each morning we wake up and take Meeko out and feed her. Then we lazily prepare breakfast (usually a chocolate milkshake/juice and bagel w/ cream cheese). Hey I am still losing weight so I need the calories and this meets my nutritional requirements and makes my taste buds happy!!! Then we walk upstairs and talk to AuntMa (that's NeNe) and Daddy as we get our clothes out for the day. Then we say the Lord's Prayer as we get the shower just right. At night we read from the Chronicles of Narnia and we try to read Scripture. Mostly we end up reading stuff for school instead.
Now he is moving, jostling and kicking all around. He was moving so much the Ultrasound Tech could barely take the photos she needed. But no worries, I will have them posted soon! Me, well let's just say I really don't look pregnant at 4 1/2 months. But if you know me, you know that I am showing... so don't say "you're not even showing"! That will TICK me off because my belly is no longer flat! Sorry, just my pet peeve at this time.
Well, next week, we hope to be able to say that we are done with our coursework at NCCU and are ready for the rest of this pregnancy. Hopefully by then I will have had more fish as well. Oh my goodness, I am craving fried fish, like Chapel Hillbillies know how to fry, and these spinach and cheese pastries. I know, bear with us!
Oh just to update from my last post:
Still having killer headaches (my Blood pressure is normal and Dr. said this is normal as well, I just have to grin and bear), strange (but I hear usual) pains in belly -- I guess it's growing, can't fit most of my slacks/jeans comfortably and still refuse to buy maternity clothes (thanks NeNe), and fear I will be embarrassing myself at church now with my many bathroom breaks... ummm can we say sit near the back in an aisle seat. See this is what happens when you grow up in a Baptist church with Mommie, you're too afraid to leave during service. And I am hungry ALL the time (as you can see above) so I will have an issue with that as well.
Until next week, keep on kickin' on!
We will continue to keep you posted on our journey.
I am such a terrible blogger, journal keeper and the like. I have missed a few weeks of keeping you all up to date about my journey into pending motherhood. Well, as a brief update, we are now 17 weeks old and steadily growing.
Unfortunately, I still do not feel pregnant, though I am beginning to look it. It's amazing how each morning I look in the mirror amazed at the extra girth around my midsection.
To share some of the highs and lows about my pregnancy, unfortunately I have been having some serious headaches. I am sure a great deal of this is due to my extremely high stress level but it is probably also due to the fact that I am pregnant. Ironically in the past my stress lead to anxiety attacks, which thank God I have not had. Now, I have headaches, everyday just about. I fear they may be affecting the baby.
My appetite has picked up a great deal. I guarantee by 12pm I have to have lunch or else!!! I am not very diligent in eating something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And I am eating most of my food, trying to get in all of my nutrients. That's hard by the way! Food is still not appealing to me as it does other pregnant women.
I barely have any clothes to wear, and I am still refusing to buy maternity clothes. No one is really explaining how that whole thing works so I don't want to waste my money. You know how cheap, excuse me, frugal I can be.
I am trying to bond with the baby but I still feel as if I am talking to my belly. I feel foolish. Pray for me y'all. I am making a great effort to do everything right, just about. But my hormones are messing me up. I am pretty much angry all the time, that may be attributed to it being the end of the semester and stressors at work that are beyond my control. But Daddy and AuntMa Ne-Ne are catching the brunt of it all.
I am having the weirdest dreams in the world. So I dreamt of my Mommie (like I was saving her one night) and at the end of the dream there was the most beautiful little baby girl ever. I woke up thinking, darn if that is a sign I need to try again. Yes, it is true, I want a boy because I don't know how to raise a girl.
I am not sleeping well, having crazy dreams, and I am crying like nobody's business. Which ticks me off because I am a private crier.
Well, I have a few more days to wait before I see our baby again. Next week we find out the gender and make sure he or she is okay. It is so frightening when you have no indication if your baby is okay. I keep thinking, well I'm getting bigger so he or she must be doing okay in there, and I am always hungry so they must be okay. Well we are off to class to learn about the ways of institutional ethnography... don't ask because I am clueless about the subject.
Talk to you next week.
We are taking wagers (is that how you say it?) A boy or a girl?
Who would have thought that God would ever want me to be a mother. Well the thought would often cross my mind, but I NEVER thought I would ever be given the responsibility of being a mother to a baby. A real baby. For those who know me this is BIG!!! I deal with two and older, anything younger that can't walk, talk, feed or change itself goes to anyone other than me. Seriously, I should be embarrassed but I'm not. I still don't know how to change a baby's diaper. Guess I have some lessons to learn. Unless Aunt Ne-Ne got that area covered.
I have never seen myself as maternal. Yea, I consider myself caring, compassionate, soft-hearted and certainly willing to do anything for the ones I love, but it takes it to a whole new level to be responsible for a itty bitty baby. Wow, I'm gonna be a mommy, God-willing.
Though I am blessed that God entrusts me with His child, I am too afraid to get excited just yet. I guess I am not like many women that feel the excitement from the moment they find out. Disbelief and questioning how did this happen is more like it for me. But to be able to give my husband the best gift on earth grounds me and helps me to appreciate every aspect of this pregnancy. He is truly ecstatic that he is going to be a daddy.
As of yesterday we were 14 weeks. This is a huge feat considering all of the complications we have been having. Let's see, this week has been a good week. I am taking this pregnancy day by day because of the complications. We heard the heartbeat last Friday at the doctor's appointment and I found out that I am underweight. Somehow I must gain 10 pounds in 3 weeks. You may think it is easy but I drop weight like my sister downs a Pepsi. And now that I am pregnant it is worse. I am always hungry but never have a taste for anything, unless it's fruit!
I am trying to get use to talking to my "belly"...... baby :)! I know they say that helps with brain development. I'm all for geniuses but can't quite wrap my head around the fact that I don't feel pregnant so why should I talk to my belly?! Rationally I know my baby is in there (begging for water, LOL). Who would have ever thought that water would be my best friend. You see me, and you see water. I am not kidding. I have found myself saying on more than one occasion, "wow that is some good water". I know, only God could make that one happen.
Let's see, the baby is about the size of a lemon (1-1/2 inches) and I think is sucking his/her thumb. That's a habit Baby Melvin will have to get rid of as soon as they come out (LOL)!
All in all today was a good day. I am restricted from too much physical, mental, and emotional stress. That's funny considering that Tasha is synonymous with STRESS!! Between work and school I can't run from it. I was told that I was being selfish today because I allow myself to be stressed. Funny!
So, over the course of this pregnancy I will give you the ins and outs of my experience being pregnant. So for now I will sign off and try to work more on this paper. Besides I think it is time for another feeding. Funny, they have me on scheduled feedings..... all I want is water!
